Guaranteed: you'd be insane to trust us!
Welcome to the Guarantee Trust Fund Company. If you are wondering what the hell is going on, you're not alone. Every year, we confuse the screaming shits out of thousands of people.
If you find life is just too easy, too comprehensible, too straightforward, then our lunatic, barely literate staff will be happy to contact you. In fact, we may even contact you without you even requesting it!
419 Advanced Fee Fraud
And if you're bored with traditional, secure methods of contact and verification, we will be happy to discuss your requirements fully over Skype instant messaging, lest we appear too distinguishable from anonymous strangers or outright scammers
But that's not all! All our staff offer easy contact via their Gmail accounts, giving you the assurance that all communications will be conducted via the world's number one provider of anonymous e-mail accounts any old dickhead could register in two minutes.
Fuck, we probably can't even spell 'Michael' or tell the difference between teeth and money. Let us contact you today. Hello? Are you there?